Take advice or don’t, life is full of options and this is one of them
I know I just wrote a piece about the emotional toll that the holidays take on us, but I wanted to expand on that with discussing the stress of the last days before the holidays commence in full force.
See if these sound familiar: What do I buy for …….? How much money do I have left? I need to register/insure/repair my car, pay rent, utilities, groceries, tuition….all the while I have to shop for gifts, how do I cope with missing the person that isn’t here.
These are examples of STRESS. You can read more about how to manage stress in general in my blog post about it. But I want to address briefly holiday stress again:
Budget your life:
Whether its your money, time or compassion, you have to figure out how much you have of it and where each needs to be committed to. These are your resources and you will want to protect them, otherwise you will be robbed of them and feel resentful. There is also balance between these three resources. Sometimes you don’t have enough of one but more of the other. You may not have enough money to buy something expensive but have the time to do a service or meaningful chore with you time for someone. You may not have enough money or time but can have enough time to make a quick call and express a genuine care and love to someone who is lonely. Most importantly, don’t give away time, money or compassion nilly willy. You don’t owe anyone anything who has not earned it or deserves it.
Give yourself the gift of love:
In my years as a practicing psychotherapist I have been amazed to see how many people simply put themselves last, or even ignore their own needs altogether. My rule is 5 in 5. Five minutes every 5 hours, or 5 ours every 5 days of taking care of yourself. Take time to appreciate what you do, the things you do well, put in perspective things that are not going right. Here’s an example: I often stop myself and thank my body for working as they should. It sounds dumb, but honestly, think about it. What would it be like if any part of your body that you take for granted was not working? Even if you have parts that aren’t working and/or are in pain, you have body parts that do their jobs just fine. The way I handle this for me is I take the time to chew my food really well, for instance. That simple act takes me from mindless to mindful eating and makes me appreciate that I have food to eat. Gratitude is the gift of self-love that brings you peace.
Take Perspective:
I know this also sounds cliche but hear me out. I have a saying that I work hard at putting into practice. If in two years you are going to laugh about something that stresses you out today, start now..Why wait? Anything that is really important today will remain important in the future and you can deal with it later if you don’t have time now. Everything else will resolve in time. Perspective allows you to know the difference and not spend emotional, mental, money and time resources unnecessarily.
Proportionate Response:
Proportionality is a byproduct of the whole taking-perspective idea. You need to evaluate the actual significance of the problems you are facing and respond accordingly. If EVERYTHING is important then NOTHING is really is, or as Dairy Farmers say: When you homogenize milk, fat doesn’t rise to the top. If the dishes are not done, the trash still in the can, and Peanut butter sandwiches is all you have for dinner, then respond with a slight and evaporating disappointment rather than ferocious anger and despair.
Love regardless:
Yup, let go of anger, resentment and hurt. Love regardless because by loving others you first and foremost love yourself. In fact, sometimes that is the best revenge against people who have done you wrong or caused you pain. Love detoxifies that and disables their effect on you. This is the hardest piece of advice to put into practice but one that will yield the best, most enduring benefits.
Don’t go it alone:
If you are struggling with any of this, get help, reach out to someone who cares about you, reach out to your community.